flashback
by musicxXxmassacre
Summary: a tortured soul lost in her own thoughts and feelings. no one takes notice to her and what she does to herself along with what HE does to her. a chilling story about twisted relations, suffering, and love.R&R.. prob best fic so far.! 3
1. memories

*Flashback*

I sat frozen, confused staring at the note my mother had left for me. Maybe she was just playing a game with me, hiding like she used to do when we played hide and go seek when I was younger. I waited for her to pop out behind my door and pretend that she couldn't see me, saying "I wonder where my Gabriella could be?!" Then she would find me and give me a hug then tickle me until my sides hurt.

*end flashback*

I miss those days when laughter came effortlessly. I was still taken aback as I reread the note once more.

_My sweet Gabriella,_

_ I am so sorry that I have let you down. I am supposed to be a good example for you and I have failed. But I am hoping to be a good example once again. Please do not loose your faith in me…I love you with all of my heart and please believe that this is not your fault but mine. Please take care of yourself and your father, as this is hard for him as well, but you need to help him! Be a great girl… That I know you are!_

_ I love you,_

_ Always_

_ Mom_

It's almost been two years since my mom and dad got divorced. My dad and I moved to Albuquerque. He thought that it was best for me if the "problem" were to be removed from my life.

He was wrong.

I am now 17 and I don't know if anything in the world could be worse than my life. My 'loving mother' is an alcoholic. My dad is who knows where and I am currently starting school tomorrow. Everything has changed. Even my view of life…

"Damn it" I cursed as I smacked my alarm, rolling over to hide under my pillow. "Ugh," I moaned as I turned to look out of my window, it was bright outside. I preferred the rain and cold. Because then I don't have to make excuses about wearing long sleeves when its 90 degrees outside.

I trudged toward my bathroom and looked at myself in the full length mirror. Same as always, long straight black hair with red streaks. Same face and body, but as she raised her hand to touch the cold reflective glass, she felt pain. Because she knew that no one around her saw what she did to herself every single day. And it killed her, because she knew that no one would know unless she let her guard down. She quickly dropped her hand and went into her bathroom to take a shower. It felt good to let the water run down her shaking body. She was nervous about today. She stayed in until the water turned cool and shut the water off. Grabbing a towel she almost slipped in a puddle on the floor. She dried her self off and pulled on some clothes. Dark jeans with a red short sleeved top and a black leather jacket were what she grabbed. School was going to interesting…


	2. silence

*Flashback*

I sat frozen, confused staring at the note my mother had left for me. Maybe she was just playing a game with me, hiding like she used to do when we played hide and go seek when I was younger. I waited for her to pop out behind my door and pretend that she couldn't see me, saying "I wonder where my Isabella could be?" Then she would find me and give me a hug then tickle me until my sides hurt.

*end flashback*

I miss those days when laughter came effortlessly. I was still taken aback as I reread the note once more.

_My sweet Isabella,_

_I am so sorry that I have let you down. I am supposed to be a good example for you and I have failed. But I am hoping to be a good example once again. Please do not loose your faith in me…I love you with all of my heart and please believe that this is not your fault but mine. Please take care of yourself and your father, as this is hard for him as well, but you need to help him! Be the great girl that I know you are!_

_I love you,_

_Always_

_Mom_

It's almost been two years since my mom and dad got divorced. My dad and I stayed in Forks while my mother moved to Arizona. He thought that it was best for me if the "problem" were to be removed from my life.

He was wrong.

I am now 17 and I don't know if anything in the world could be worse than my life. My 'loving mother' is who knows where and my dad is a fucking alcoholic. And on top of all that I am currently starting school tomorrow. Everything has changed. Even my view of life…

"Damn it" I cursed as I smacked my alarm, rolling over to hide under my pillow. "Ugh," I moaned as I turned to look out of my window, it was dark outside. I preferred the rain and cold. Because then I don't have to make excuses about wearing long sleeves when its 90 degrees outside.

I trudged toward my vanity and looked at myself in the full length mirror. Same as always, long straight brown hair with red streaks. Same face and body, but as I raised my hand to touch

the cold reflective glass, I felt pain. Because I know that no one around me sees what I do to myself every single day. And it kills me, because I know that no one knows unless I let my

guard down. I quickly dropped my hand and went into my bathroom to take a shower. It felt good to let the water run down my shaking body. I was nervous about today. I stayed in until

the water turned cool and shut the water off. Grabbing a towel I cursed as I almost slipped in a puddle on the floor. I dried myself off and pulled on some clothes. Dark jeans with a black

and red bullet for my valentine band tee and a skull n bones hoodie with a vintage woven beanie with high tops were what I choose. School was going to be interesting.

I trudged downstairs to find Charlie passed out on the couch snoring with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. I was glad I found him asleep and not in a bad mood.

I quietly made my way to the kitchen and searched in the fridge for anything to drink other than beer, and vodka. With no success after five minuets of searching I finally gave up and

decided to skip breakfast altogether. So what if it's "the most important meal of the day"?

Screw it.

I didn't really care if I starved to death at school today. It would defiantly save me any further unnecessary embarrassment from all of the other juniors in my class.

Ugh.

I haven't been to school at all because I skip class so much that I never know what the hell is going on. So sometimes I don't even bother to show up. But today I have to get out of the house, so I don't have to deal with Charlie.

I hate him for making me self conscious, and ruining my life. Or what's left of it at least. I am not very friendly and I'm very anti social. I am a fatalist, a pessimist and defiantly not an opportunist. Charlie became abusive towards me after the divorce. He blamed me for everything that went wrong and used me as his punching bag. If I said something he didn't like, or talked back in a defensive tone, his fist would get acquainted with my body. But by now I was used to it and took it without hesitation and without screaming or yelling or fighting back. By now I had given up all hope, and hope had given up on me. Last year is when I started to think the world would be better off with out me.

I started cutting myself.

At first I was just so messed up in my mind that I didn't even know why I wanted to try it. I wasn't emo right? Well I thought I wasn't and emo is just a way of classifying yourself as a unique individual or your sense of personal emotions. I was wrong.

I learned that if you are different from anyone else in any way they don't see as normal, they will tear you down and hurt you. It doesn't matter if your hair is fucked up or you have a Monroe piercing or if you have a tattoo, they will do anything to get under your skin and make you feel like you deserve nothing less of falling off the face of the fucking earth.

So that's exactly what I did.

I became unnoticeable and after awhile I didn't even recognize my own voice. I never asked questions about the home work and the teachers learned by now not to call on me unless they want a smart ass answer.

I don't know why but one day I decided to walk to the high school. It wasn't very far but it was also raining and cold. I enjoyed that kind of weather more than I should. More than any normal person should. But again; I'm not very "normal". So I guess that doesn't apply to me.

But as I was walking I noticed a car that had passed by me had suddenly stopped. It was as I kept walking when I saw the window roll down slowly. I wasn't extremely worried but I was cautious to avert my eyes and keep walking making sure I didn't make eye contact with the driver.

"Hey."

I decided to play dumb and look around to see who was near. No one was out. The roads were deserted. And I was alone.

"Excuse me."

I slowed my pace and turned to see who my antagonist was. I was shocked he was actually addressing me, and politely too. Maybe he was seeing things. But he was looking _straight_ at me.

And to be honest it scared me to death. For the longest time no one looked my way, everyone avoided me and it was like I wasn't even alive. I liked it that way. And being noticed was not something I was used to.

I decided to answer him.

As I cleared my throat I said "yes?" my voice sounded so foreign to my ears it almost shocked me. "Get in." He said it without hesitation. There was no questioning his authority. I envied his assurance and actually thought about getting in the car. His car, a stranger who I don't know at all.

As I completely stopped walking I turned to face the stranger who so daringly noticed me and was absolutely shocked.

There were no words to describe him. Nothing would suffice.

My sharp intake of breath made my lungs hurt because the air was raw with icy rain.

He chuckled and it made my heart hurt. How did he do _that_?

His eyes. They were velvety and black with strange lights in them. Like if I stare at them long enough, I just might fall forever.

I forgot how to breathe.

Suddenly he was standing next to me. Towering over me, he gazed into my eyes, it felt intrusive to me. I felt like just by looking into his eyes I was telling him about my personal life. I didn't like it. I felt like I was being invaded.

I turn away from his speculative stare and fix my eyes on the slick road. Looking anywhere but his face. "You are not making this easy for me." He said in a breezy voice as he caught and held my eyes. I was mystified. I couldn't find the power to say anything so I just continued to glance up at him. "Do you want a ride or not? I'm not leaving you out here all alone. So you don't really have any say in the matter."

"What if I say no?" "You won't" he said before hastily gathering me in his viselike embrace. I could feel his body tense up as he literally enfolded me in his arms. Suddenly I am in his car with my seat belt on and the doors are all locked. I struggle to catch my breath as I gradually realize that we are not going to school. We have already passed it. I go stiff with fright at the thought of being alone with a stranger in a car and start to panic. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and I can't help but tremble in fear. He looks dangerous and I have no way of knowing what he is planning on doing. I slowly came to grasp the fact that his reflexes were something that I should be scared stiff about. He was not normal. My death grip on the dashboard seemed unimportant to him as he coaxed the speedometer closer to 150 mph. He just was so unusual.

Before I could even take another breath I was out of the car and was swallowed up in his arms. Except this time he was tensed for something. Like he was preparing to jump and wanted to get the right momentum. But he was simply looking back and forth between my collarbone and my arms.

I could tell by the way his face was contorted into a grimace that he knew something. He made sure his eyes didn't meet mine again as he set me down on my feet. But he didn't let go of my waist until he was sure I had my footing.

I didn't.

Clumsy me just had to trip over my two feet and go tumbling down. Well not actually tumbling because before my head smacked the ground he caught me. We were so close to each other I could feel his body heat and his breath on my face. I went rigid because of our nearness. We were both breathing fast as he slowly pulled me back onto the sturdy ground. Then he grasped my forearm and I cried out in anguish as the searing pain from the other night made me lose consciousness.

Everything was black. There was nothing. A nothingness that if you try to search for something light, you will fail. Your eyes will wander until you find it. I closed my eyes because I couldn't see anything anyways. I was tired. I wanted to fall asleep again.

But he wouldn't let me.

"I'm so tired..." "You have to stay awake. Stay with me now. Okay?"

My eyes fluttered and when they opened, I saw his tortured face, always searching my gaze for something he could not seem to find.

He surprised me by asking in a cautious manner. "Why?"

At the time I did not know he had taken off my jacket and my long sleeved bullet for my valentine shirt. I couldn't see my hat anywhere and my converse were gone to. But somehow I wasn't very cold. From what I remember it was freezing outside today.

Maybe we were inside? But where could we be? I still couldn't see anything farther away than his face. When I tried to scoot farther away from him to give us some distance I immediately regretted it. The sharp pain I felt nearly knocked me unconscious again. I was broken. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

'What kind of question is that?' I thought. I didn't even know this guy. For all I know he might end up killing me or something worse. But I don't think that's a good idea to be worrying about that problem now.

"No. Why would I trust you? I don't even know who you are. I don't know anything and I would prefer it if you would let me go." As I spoke he moved away from me into the darkness. I couldn't see him at all "There is nothing stopping you from leaving here" he said while approaching behind me and putting his hands on my practically bare shoulders. I shivered at this contact and managed to murmur "Except you."

"Go ahead. See how far you get before you black out from wandering around the streets freezing to death. See who goes and helps you when you are on the side of the damn road begging for anyone to help you! But just know that I won't be there to rescue you." He sounded livid. I'm glad that I couldn't see him when he said this. Because I knew that it was true.

I tried moving my arms behind my back so I could push myself in an upright position. When I failed at this, he sighed and picked me up, carrying me cautiously, not wanting to jostle me in any way. His arms felt very muscular, but his touch felt like feathers. I still couldn't see where we were, but I was suddenly placed upon something very comfortable and inviting.

It felt like a bed.

As I was opening my mouth to protest about this, he instantly whispered in my ear. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere; all you have to do is relax. Take a few deep calming breaths."

"How the hell can I relax?"

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you this Bella but you can relax here. I'm not here to harm you. I promise. I'm here to help you figure out what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong with me! Wait. What did you say to me?"

"That you should relax?"

"No, after that. What did you call me?"

"Bella?"

"How do you know my name? I have never met you before."

He looked uncomfortable so he removed his arms from my waist.

I completely forgot that they were there.

What the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm pretty messed up and have some major issues, but this guy acts like he knows everything about it all.

I didn't want him to know anything, and I hoped he didn't.

"Are you going to answer my question?" I asked this harshly so maybe he would not ignore me. "You think no one notices you at school," He said evidently.

Again I was astonished; I didn't know how to reply to that. I thought that it was always the truth; no one wanted anything to do with me so I avoided them as much as I could. I didn't have any close friends, didn't go to parties or football games, didn't have anyone I could call 'family'.

But I didn't want an outsider to know about me. What I do to myself, and what Charlie does to me.

I shuddered at that thought and lightly touched my bare arms. Even that light stroke against them hurt. I winced at the sharp pain and tried to cover up my face so he wouldn't see me breakdown. At this moment I wanted to die.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I cried. "Why couldn't you just ignore me like everyone else? It was better that way. That way people wouldn't hurt me and I couldn't hurt them." "You are broken, you have so much fear and pain in you. I just wanted to help you understand you don't go day by day unnoticed." "I liked it that way better. No one could hurt me if they didn't know me." By now my body was useless, I was extremely tired and all of this wasn't helping my mentality right now.

I still had no idea who this guy was, my chances of getting away from him were small and I didn't know if I could trust him or not.

I shifted my weight to the other side of my body and tried to ignore the fact that I was in severe pain.


End file.
